My neuropsychologist wants me to write about my experience of having issues with my brain function. He says being able to articulate what many people can't (like in the instance of a stroke) could be really helpful to people and their families. I used to be a highly intelligent and articulate nurse and a loved to write as a hobby. Not sure how this will unfold, but here is a try. Keep in mind that I work really hard to write and proof-read. If there are still mistakes...oh well. Upcoming ideas for topics include grief and loss, fear, pain, coping, doctor visits, overstimulation, hospital stays, reading/writing, gratitude and simple joys. (I'm simply saying this so I have a reference to look back on when I write again).
I wrote this last night after a long day of communicating. I was really exhausted and in a lot of pain. This was how I was feeling. Writing about one's feelings/experience without censoring is really different.
This sub-series will be "A Window In."
When you talk to me it's really hard for me to understand you. I hear the words and they go in but they don't always make sense. Or some of it will make sense but then all of the sudden I feel confused. The more I try to understand the more frustrated I get. Maybe I interrupt or repeat things. And then you get frustrated. And it spirals down from there.
It's hard. I used to be really smart. I was quick, intelligent and articulate. I could follow and remember all that was said and engage with you for hours. Now, if you talk to me and music is on, I don't understand. Or if there is a loud noise, or a car goes by or a leaf blower interrupts my thoughts, I forget. Or if I'm fatigued or stressed it's even harder to understand. If I'm talking and you interrupt I forget what I am saying. If there are multiple conversations happening I will likely miss all of them. The harder I try the worse it gets.
My brain needs conversation to be slow and quiet with no distractions. I need tons of time to process and understand the information. The more you repeat and give examples the better. And even then, I get tired really quickly. It's hard and frustrating and maybe it seems like it's directed towards you, but it isn't. It's even hard to just talk and listen. It didn't used to be this way and I desperately want it to be different.
But right now, it isn't. It could be better or worse tomorrow. I have no way of knowing. I can't plan ahead because I don't know what will happen. I can't account for all the variables that play into how well my brain will be functioning in any given moment.
You can't tell this is happening when you look at me. I may look really good. You have no idea how hard it is for me to even carry on a simple conversation. I am in constant pain in my head (like the worse head ache you could ever imagine) and I don't understand and can't remember things. If you see me crying it may not have to do with anything except being really sick and frustrated that I can't understand or be understood.
Or maybe I'm just tired from trying to process information all stinking day.
It's hard to even read and write. I want it to be easier. I want it to make sense and have the thoughts come easier. They don't. At least for now.
I wrote this last night after a long day of communicating. I was really exhausted and in a lot of pain. This was how I was feeling. Writing about one's feelings/experience without censoring is really different.
This sub-series will be "A Window In."
When you talk to me it's really hard for me to understand you. I hear the words and they go in but they don't always make sense. Or some of it will make sense but then all of the sudden I feel confused. The more I try to understand the more frustrated I get. Maybe I interrupt or repeat things. And then you get frustrated. And it spirals down from there.
It's hard. I used to be really smart. I was quick, intelligent and articulate. I could follow and remember all that was said and engage with you for hours. Now, if you talk to me and music is on, I don't understand. Or if there is a loud noise, or a car goes by or a leaf blower interrupts my thoughts, I forget. Or if I'm fatigued or stressed it's even harder to understand. If I'm talking and you interrupt I forget what I am saying. If there are multiple conversations happening I will likely miss all of them. The harder I try the worse it gets.
My brain needs conversation to be slow and quiet with no distractions. I need tons of time to process and understand the information. The more you repeat and give examples the better. And even then, I get tired really quickly. It's hard and frustrating and maybe it seems like it's directed towards you, but it isn't. It's even hard to just talk and listen. It didn't used to be this way and I desperately want it to be different.
But right now, it isn't. It could be better or worse tomorrow. I have no way of knowing. I can't plan ahead because I don't know what will happen. I can't account for all the variables that play into how well my brain will be functioning in any given moment.
You can't tell this is happening when you look at me. I may look really good. You have no idea how hard it is for me to even carry on a simple conversation. I am in constant pain in my head (like the worse head ache you could ever imagine) and I don't understand and can't remember things. If you see me crying it may not have to do with anything except being really sick and frustrated that I can't understand or be understood.
Or maybe I'm just tired from trying to process information all stinking day.
It's hard to even read and write. I want it to be easier. I want it to make sense and have the thoughts come easier. They don't. At least for now.
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