I made the vow to write daily so I could start to teach the brain again to do this once loved, and now almost loathed, activity. I knew sometimes I really wouldn't want to write. Now is one of those times. I'm tired, in pain and frankly just want to pretend I live in a land of rainbows and butterflies.
Instead I am using my brain to research. "Using my brain," to do anything is quite the event these days. Kind of like trying to get a teenager to remember things.
It's amazing to think about how once I was able to get through nursing school and work as a nurse for nearly 20 years. Now that seems like a distant memory. Even trying to read what I just wrote and see if it makes sense is hard, let alone trying to understand research.
The labs I received today show positive for an antibody that can possibly point to a tumor somewhere. Now this could be good news in a way, if it is easily removed and treated, because it can cause the debilitating encephalitis symptoms I have.
Attempting to sublate any fear of the unknown through breath and imagining this challenging tangle of illness to be finally untangled and treated. I have had a sense things are at a critical mass, due to the two intense flares in two months. I also have the sense these next few weeks will be enlightening and intense in regard to investigation and treatment.
Bathing in white light.
Bathing, like a raw sprouted hazelnut mound of nut butter is dipped in chocolate. (Mmmmmm. I had one of these today).
White light....
Chocolate.....
Chocolate and white light. Sounds healing to me.
Instead I am using my brain to research. "Using my brain," to do anything is quite the event these days. Kind of like trying to get a teenager to remember things.
It's amazing to think about how once I was able to get through nursing school and work as a nurse for nearly 20 years. Now that seems like a distant memory. Even trying to read what I just wrote and see if it makes sense is hard, let alone trying to understand research.
The labs I received today show positive for an antibody that can possibly point to a tumor somewhere. Now this could be good news in a way, if it is easily removed and treated, because it can cause the debilitating encephalitis symptoms I have.
Attempting to sublate any fear of the unknown through breath and imagining this challenging tangle of illness to be finally untangled and treated. I have had a sense things are at a critical mass, due to the two intense flares in two months. I also have the sense these next few weeks will be enlightening and intense in regard to investigation and treatment.
Bathing in white light.
Bathing, like a raw sprouted hazelnut mound of nut butter is dipped in chocolate. (Mmmmmm. I had one of these today).
White light....
Chocolate.....
Chocolate and white light. Sounds healing to me.
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