The fun part about writing this "confusion" window in, is that I wrote it earlier and now I have no recollection of what I said. Confusion 101.....
I often don't remember what you tell me. You may hear the same story over and over again and I have no recollection of telling you. You may show me a new outfit and I comment on how much I like it and then each time you wear it, it's like I've never seen it before. If we just meet, or even if we've been acquaintances for years, I can pretty much bet I won't know your name....even if I ask 10 times.
I get lost. I get lost on streets I've been on a million times. I go out to run an errand and forget why I left the house. At my worst I have been so confused I just cry and cry because I don't understand anything anyone says. I even lost about three months of memory never to be retrieved again. Some days now I feel almost as sharp as a butter knife. And other times it's more like a wet cotton ball. I turn on the kettle for tea and then go outside to do something and come in wondering what that loud noise is. I walk in circles in the house trying to remember what I was about to do. Sometimes I forget to pay bills and other times I pay them twice. Kennel customers get anywhere from no return call to the same call returned multiple times. When I vacuum I go over the same area or room many times because I forget if I was there. And I won't even disclose how many times I repeat steps in the shower because I can't remember if I did them. When it comes to hygiene, repetition is my best friend. I can no longer work at my job so I'm home most of the time. Most people don't see this part of me. I fake it pretty well. But its' hard. It's really hard to feel like your brain just doesn't work and at any given moment can get so confused that it can't even answer basic questions or know where you are. It sucks. A lot. But thankfully most of the time I cope okay and my confusion is rather humorous (or annoying if you ask my 16 year old).
I often don't remember what you tell me. You may hear the same story over and over again and I have no recollection of telling you. You may show me a new outfit and I comment on how much I like it and then each time you wear it, it's like I've never seen it before. If we just meet, or even if we've been acquaintances for years, I can pretty much bet I won't know your name....even if I ask 10 times.
I get lost. I get lost on streets I've been on a million times. I go out to run an errand and forget why I left the house. At my worst I have been so confused I just cry and cry because I don't understand anything anyone says. I even lost about three months of memory never to be retrieved again. Some days now I feel almost as sharp as a butter knife. And other times it's more like a wet cotton ball. I turn on the kettle for tea and then go outside to do something and come in wondering what that loud noise is. I walk in circles in the house trying to remember what I was about to do. Sometimes I forget to pay bills and other times I pay them twice. Kennel customers get anywhere from no return call to the same call returned multiple times. When I vacuum I go over the same area or room many times because I forget if I was there. And I won't even disclose how many times I repeat steps in the shower because I can't remember if I did them. When it comes to hygiene, repetition is my best friend. I can no longer work at my job so I'm home most of the time. Most people don't see this part of me. I fake it pretty well. But its' hard. It's really hard to feel like your brain just doesn't work and at any given moment can get so confused that it can't even answer basic questions or know where you are. It sucks. A lot. But thankfully most of the time I cope okay and my confusion is rather humorous (or annoying if you ask my 16 year old).
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